Wedding

As you grow older you want the gap between what you’re dreaming of and the reality you live in to get smaller all the time. For many people this gap remains the same all their lives. I am glad to have made the gap a lot smaller for myself with this photographic book.

Andreas H. Bitesnich

This is written at the beginning of Andreas H. Bitesnich’s fantastic book Travel that is sitting across from me on my desk. I can’t recall where and when I bought the book but I’ve had it in my possession for quite some time. The book is filled with wonderful images printed with a rich, chocolaty dark texture. He has a unique style and quality to his lighting and printing and after a quick look at his web site its clear that his talents have taken him to great success in multiple photography disciplines. I am scrolling through the web site with some envy and much respect at the quality, diversity and incredible output he displays. 

The quote really has an affect on me and particularly now at this stage of my life and career. I am essentially wondering if I have reduced that gap sufficiently. And if not, is there still time and if so how on earth do I do that? If I ask myself the very basic question of have I achieved all the goals I set out to achieve many years ago, then the answer is sadly no. I had a vision of the sort of photographer I would be and the sort of work that I would produce and the kind of clients I would have. I am not quite there it has to be said. But then I have to remind myself that there have been moments when I was exactly there. It’s a case of acknowledging that along the journey I have definitely achieved some of the goals but they may have been for a shorter period than intended. And then those breaks and moments didn’t lead to more of the same or if they did it never lasted as long as I would have hoped for. 

I can think of numerous stand out moments in my career where I have needed to pinch my self and ask ‘is this really happening?’ Career highs and achievements that certainly make me feel proud and give me that valuable feeling of self worth and pride. I often acknowledge when I am commissioned to shoot something really special, that out of all the potential photographers in the world who could shoot this, they have asked me. And that is often a really mad thought given the number of very talented photographers out there. And of course in this digital age we know that pretty much everyone is a photographer similarly how every time I meet a young girl she tells me she is a model. We are all image makers and models now. So when I am chosen I consider the fact I have risen above the masses and need to deliver. 

I also acknowledge that I am still shooting and even that is an achievement. I'm old enough to have begun my career when digital photography was perhaps the dream of a sci fi novelist and words like RAW and JPEG were unheard of. To survive the transition from film to digital is in itself admirable given the stresses and strains of such a huge shift. And anyone that knows me well would remember that I did struggle and took time out for a while and ventured into something else as a result of the huge industry shift. But I was crazy to think that I would change careers and eventually made peace with whatever was affecting me and here I am still shooting. And it’s not just the switch to digital but numerous recessions, political upheavals, wars and world events that have all taken their toll. I have endured the madness of Covid, economy crashes, banking crisis and am currently suffering the insanity of Brexit and as I write this blog, tanks continue to roll through Ukraine and murder innocent people. Not to mention running a business with a government that is led by a law breaking narcissistic fool surrounded by many more fools lacking in any integrity and morality. But the point is world events do affect business and photography is no different. I remember the significant backlash against society photographers after Princess Diana died. Any photographer at a social function was accused of being predatory, aggressive and part of the whole Princess Di tragedy. I had one women at a function even tell me it was the likes of myself that killed her. I also recall the impact of 9/11 on my photography business. That evening I was meant to be shooting an event on Bond St. That event was cancelled as were many other events and the impact continued with companies slashing budgets and cancelling all manner of celebrations. I can recall in 2007 showing my portfolio to a magazine editor in London and getting a call from my banking buddy frantically telling me to sell my Holland Park flat as fast as I can as he knew things would soon crash. But here I am still putting on my suit and heading out to witness and record events and celebrations and I hold on to that. I never take any job for granted.

So when I read the above quote I need to ask whether the gap has been reduced for myself. If we are talking the real dream then no. If that were the case I would not be sat here rambling on about recessions, Brexit and 9/11 but I would be sat in a luxury beach resort in Thailand with an awesome fashion team after successfully shooting an 8 page story for Vogue or some well paid luxury brand ad campaign. I also would be getting a text from from my kick arse New York agent informing me that Vanity Fair need me in Hollywood next month to shoot portraits of all the celebrities at the Oscars for their upcoming issue. I'm not doing any of that sadly and have a feeling I wont ever be doing that either. Instead I’m currently planning to shoot two huge London balls for next week and am negotiating fees and sorting out my kit. So I am grateful that I am being commissioned, earning money and still a photographer. Given all the madness of life, my career ups and downs and colourful private life, I am happy and somewhat amazed that I am still a professional photographer in London. 

I do however spend quite a bit of time pondering what I could still change in my life to reduce that gap even more. Acknowledging that it’s always been a dream to make my living from being a photographer and that’s an admirable achievement for sure. But I’m still scheming to reduce the gap further and find a way of shooting, living and earning that brings me greater satisfaction in life. A balance of lifestyle, location, income, clients and so forth that leaves me in some greater harmony, job satisfaction and personal contentment. I'm not ready to accept that this current situation is forever and we all know things never stay the same. But I feel given my career progression, age, place in the market I need to perhaps accept my limitations and see the reality. I can certainly still see myself shooting at a luxury beach hotel in Thailand with a great fashion team but its unlikely to be for Vogue. And I am sure given my current portfolio I wont be getting any calls from kick arse New York agents but the fact I’m getting calls from clients asking me to shoot for them is something I don’t take for granted. So I am delighted the gap has not stayed the same all my life and I have reduced it somewhat. But at the same time realistic about how tiny that gap will ever get. 

Part of reducing the gap includes taking great images at beautiful weddings like Sophie and Nick’s wonderful celebration. I was second shooter to my good friend Alex Lloyd and this was our last commission for 2021. The very handsome couple were married at The Guard’s Chapel and went onto dine and party at the Mayfair club Boodle’s. It was an incredible wedding with so much energy and laughter. The couple’s first dance would make a professional dancer blush with envy. I’ve shot at both venues many times and it’s always a pleasure. The staff at Boodle’s are truly wonderful it has to be said and have a fantastic ability to be great fun to work with and at the same time very professional. There is always a strange emotion when you click the last frame on the very last job of the year and this could not have been a better shoot to experience this on.